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16-Sep-2020 23:45

Each of us has our own way in which these needs must be met in order to feel happy and secure" says Sugrue , an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Michigan Medical School and co-author of .

Understanding what fulfillment means to you, he says, is paramount to finding a partner with whom you can feel satisfied and happy.

Psychologist Dennis Sugrue says we must acknowledge those emotional needs before we can find someone who can fill them.

"A need for intimacy, for sexual gratification and satisfaction, a need to be honored and understood and even accepted by our partner, these are all important aspects of who we are.

To put those demands on someone else is to set up yourself -- and the relationship -- for failure.

we go about finding the kind of person who can meet our emotional needs and share our core values?

"You are looking for not only character traits, but also ways of relating to you, and you to them.

We have finally found the secret to landing that perfect mate.

And still the divorce rate goes higher and higher," says psychologist Gilda Carle, Ph D, associate professor at Mercy College and author of . If you've already figured that part out yourself, take heart.

The one caveat: Trouble comes when we look for a partner to fulfill us in ways that, ultimately, we can only fulfill ourselves.

"If you are looking to a partner to make you feel worthwhile, to make you feel happy, to rescue you from a bored or unhappy life, if you are seeking someone to make you feel complete or whole -- well then you have some work to do, because these are needs that are never going to be met by any one other than yourself," says Sugrue.

Unfortunately, it's at this point where many of us make some heart-breaking mistakes.