The golden rules of online dating

22-Jun-2020 08:08

Without a doubt, the people who have the hardest time finding love are the ones who think they can violate this rule.They somehow want a person to “complete” them by bringing all the things to the relationship that they don’t have.If you act aloof or "too cool" for online dating, the mood will translate in your words and will be a deterrent to your matches.Take it a bit too seriously, and your readers will catch onto that as well.The human animal usually needs some degree of attraction or chemistry to even want to explore a relationship. Relationships can be hard as the years roll on, and your physical desire for a partner is an important glue for holding the relationship together in those tough times. So, the people I described above may believe that they can skirt attraction and just glide in using compatibility.They may believe that their charming personalities can make up for the lack of attraction likely to be present during the date. The fact that a person must have lots and lots of cash to counterbalance the natural state of things proves how pervasive this rule is. We can debate whether attraction is taking place in these relationships. What about the beautiful person who is there because of the money? It’s best if that list is limited to 10 or so traits.The more you focus on what you're not or don't have, the harder it will be for people to see what you are or what you can bring to the table.

Maybe you should be attracted to a person just because e Harmony has determined that you are compatible in deep and important ways…but it rarely works that way.

He will tell you that he likes sports, but he hasn’t touched a sport in 25 years. He wants an outdoorsy, athletic woman who is built like a tennis pro and is happy to let him watch college ball all day Saturday and pro ball on Sunday.

If she were to suggest they spend Sunday hiking, he would laugh in her face.

If you’re thinking that the answer is compatibility, let me share this corollary to dating’s Golden Rule: Compatibility Doesn’t Supersede Attraction e Harmony is a big believer in compatibility.

Being in a relationship with a person who is compatible with you in the ways that are important and foundational is key to long-term success. It’s the kind of basic human rule of interaction that is so fundamental to our experience that it has popped up independently in civilizations all over the world.